Invest in Loss

by robin vote

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1.
03:13
2.
04:55
3.
4.
03:24
5.
03:11
6.
03:47
7.
8.
9.
03:37
10.
04:08
11.
02:40
12.
02:47
13.

about

Written, Engineered, Recorded, Mixed, and Produced by Colin Baxter
Engineering and Mixing with Jason Boggs-1,3,5,7,11
All String Arrangements Written and Performed by Anna Finley
*track 13 after: 'Lawd, You Made the Night Too Long' by Lewis/Young

credits

released February 19, 2011

Colin Baxter vox, acoustic & electric guitar, piano, keyboards, sax
Anna Finley vox, violins, cello, piano, keyboards
Andrew Stewart vox, electric bass
Jesse Phillips vox, drums & percussion, trumpet

Nathan Kukulski vox-3, accordion-5, piano-7, violin-1,2,3
Jason Boggs vox-11, electric guitar-1,3,7,11, flugelhorn & organ-7
Mika Metz trumpet-12
Aaron Lindberg tuba-12
Zachery Haras pocket trumpet-5,12

Julie Sokolow cover art

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robin vote Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: telephones 2
the voice in the hole
the treasure in the belly
the balloon hopedespair left untouched
you feed on balance (of mind)
you feed on stationary time
and you move back and forth
move about and look at the whirl that is
and was and will be your life
its a signature, the draw to all the walls that attract you
and the bumps that throw you back to your strife
you're a candle, a snake, a lantern, a wake
the ripping is your growing body
the whole two-pointed arrow is splitting down the middle
ultra-fast throb
the taught skin of the sky
it is ripping

ultra-fast light-projector
the flash of the camera
tightening and striking
i had a feeling our meeting
might not take place
that’s all
what could i do
i tried to call
and walked on
downtown in the rain
Track Name: truly fall
it was happiness that made me so miserable
and your attention that made me feel alone
i’m pretty fun and gay when i’m not so nervous
i’ll tell you when i’m calm enough to phone

right now i’m just sitting real quiet
trying not to make any hasty moves
i’m on a hill amid the dead and buried
in the mud i see trail of deer hooves

a grove of locust and ailanthus leans behind me
the day is hot and i’m here all alone
i’ve been talking to myself ever since we parted
i’ve been troubled ever since i was born

the tracks your beauty left on my sleeping body
are proof enough that you weren't just a dream
i need to show you just what i feeling
i want to show you exactly what i mean

so i just keep trying i’m writing and revising
i am aiming to get across to you
the squirrel
i know the reason that they do

patience points he path out of this prison
relaxation helps to heal the pain
i can’t wait for you to call on me
this trap is just getting tighter around my brain

i’ve been hunching my shoulders over pads of paper
i’ve been staying up late into the night
i’ve lost my taste for other kinds of pleasure
i’ve lost my taste and i’ve lost my appetite

i know that time may make me feel different
a few drinks may make me feel drunk
i could get dizzy from a few blasts of reefer
dizzy ain't the same as getting crunk

i’ve a mind that doesn't like taking sides
i’ve a mind that says that consequence is just
i’ve a beating heart that begs to differ
my beating heart is the one i think i’ll trust

now i know it’s truly fall here in this forest
heavy things are falling from the trees above
i’m just trying to describe the symptoms
i’m not saying that it’s love
Track Name: bird of pleasure
your bird of pleasure has flown ITS FLOWN, ITS FLOWN
into the wrong direction OOOOH
your heart has been betrayed ITS FLOWN, ITS FLOWN
by the look upon your face OOOOH
your crest is fallen

your seal of joy ITS CRACKED, ITS CRACKED
your jar of joy BROKEN
the seal on your jar of joy OOOOH
is cracked and broken

and everything is spoiled EVERYTHING IS WRONG
every good thing in this world EVERYTHING IS GONE
every green thing in this world IT GOES ON AND ON
and you ask why

why keep a bird of pleasure IT FLIES, IT FLIES
some wild creature in which you
place your trust OOOOH
when we know
nature is true
only unto itself
you cant domesticate lust

so release you bird of pleasure FLY AWAY
release this bird of pleasure OOOOH
get down off its back
and try
go on now and fly
go and try
Track Name: for forever
stay here with me
in this nice place
for as long as you can
in this nice space

super-sustain me
and teach me to endure
and keep me here with you
for forever

alone we bare our hearts open
that's nothing new
and you can't hide from a broken heart
but if you are trying, i can help you if you want me to
just to be here again with you

in this nice space
here i am with you
in this nice place
and stay here with me
and teach me to endure
and keep me here with you
for forever
yes keep me here with you
for forever

alone we bare our hearts open
its like riding a canoe
and you can't hide from he waterfall
but if you're trying i can help you if you want me to
just to be here again with you
Track Name: so smart
feline a little bit creepy
feeling a little f--ded-up
someone's saying 'beware the danger'
someone is calling the bluff
but you, you are so wonderful
you're joyous , you're free
and you, you look so smart
you look so smart
you're making art out of bad chemistry

from having sex with a season,
to living the dream
all of time whirling up around your head
celebrating
your ribbon of memory
a living internet
and it wants to be used
it wants to be used
your beautiful bruise won't ever forget

and if you are what you say you are
then we needn't be afraid
for it isn't the mark that was missed,
my love, it's only the mark that we make

feeling a little bit grumpy
feeling a little pissed-off
one ghost whispers 'you digit'
another just grumbles and scoffs
but you, you are the victor
you're speaking in tongues
and you, you create the whirled
you create the world
you create the word
Track Name: kind of girl
she's the kind of girl who makes bad x better
i think she thinks she's going crazy, but i wont let her
i guess i'm mean, just like my dad
but i wont allow that

narcs hiding behind every corner
we're just her allies in disguise covertly trying to warn her
that paradise, it ain't gonna harm her
and you've got to plant some seeds if you want to be a farmer
and she'd be happy to and you'd be lucky to have her to
but you won't allow that
and i wonder how long you can go on like that

she tells me she's not a robot, she's a wounded human
and she lives her life in the light of love and the music of movement
and she seems so free, but also so sad
because she wont allow herself that
and i wonder how long she can go on like that

she can hear us talking about her on the radio
i got everyone here together because there is something that we want to say to you

we love you and we'd be nothing but space-trash without you
and when we get back to headquarters we're gonna tell our boss a few things about you
and he'll be so pleased, but also so mad
because once he hears he'll never be able to go back
and how do you like that
Track Name: rustling autumn leaves
the nighthawks circle
the spires of the churches
in these parts late at night

i am walking home
all alone
across the bridge
late at night
ever since i can remember

and i remember how
we used to walk
late at night
through empty streets
and cemeteries
hand in hand

and i remember
what you gave to me
rustling autumn leaves
standing in the doorway
of Winter's mausoleum

with every meeting
another thread
eight dark arms articulate
the points of this web

ever since
you went away
i retrace
the path we made
though many years ago
the memory doesn’t fade
and though it may only be I who sees
our footprints in these fallen leaves
Track Name: the hidden indicator
just a hint that this will work
all i smell is cat piss and dust
whomever do you imagine yourself to be
why is normalacy so hard
to achieve

what will turn out well
when you insist that everything is wrong
‘even my thumbs seem shorter than usual’ you say
where do you want to go here, now
where do you want to go here, now

your luxurious time and your idleness
cost more than imagination
overdue taxes overdrawn accounts
work work work or sloth
work work work or sloth

bad habits bad habits
bad bad bad
bad for wanting badness
bad for wanting boldness
to strike out of blah
boldness strike out of blah

something slips, the footing is lost
and understanding and agreement tumble and slide
and i'm running for the door
i am chained in my mind
i am changing my mind

listen the hidden indicator
buzzing low
there are chores to do and cheers to you
the one to do them we love you
the one to do them and we love you
good luck
the doors shut
Track Name: crickets
its time to take out the dog
i think i must be living in the garden of g-d
as i step out onto my street
crickets leaping in the sweltering heat
and it's time for us to fly
he says we can't but he can't help but lie
it's time to let go of the land
his riddled paradox you need not understand

oh baby, you are dressed up so fine
we can leave as soon as we finish this wine
turn around one more time just for me
now let me see you breathe
far out far out

young son embarrassed to have a mom
old man tired of waiting on one
sorrow falls heavy and flat
why's it always land on your back
why you'd bike up mt. everest without a care
if you thought you might find him there
would it be enough, you two could sit for awhile
and as the sun sets you'd see him smile

one last time before the earth stood on its head
and all is dark and you're alone in you bed
on the worlds coldest spinning peak
where the heart is thin and the air is weak

i don't pretend i know what you should do
and i don't think that it would be better if you lived in your shoe
you're perfect, why put yourself through
something that would only tear you in two

my darling, the stars sing 'it is time'
tell me once more just how you are mine
your love so insane and wild
duct-tape couldn't hide my smile
you couldn't hide my smile you couldn't hide my smile

its time to take out the dog
i think i must be living in the garden of g-d
as i step out onto my street
crickets leaping in the sweltering heat
far out far out
Track Name: smart smart
i've tried too long to love you dear, it's easier to face the fact that its over
i've accepted all your difficult pleasures, i really wanted to be your lover

i've tried to span the gap, the crack only grew inside of me
to achieve your most impossible measures i've even plundered my own family

and i am just wondering why i am still struggling over the same crack
is it some greedy desire to remove the shields and consume all that i lack

a furious calm has over-taken my mind
i'm at absolute-zero and i'm ready to erupt

but it is such a waste of time to deal with people who just do not care
all these tests up to the last test, the ultimate test, and the 'one more stair'


my nervous heart idles higher each day that you don't come and adjust my timing
and my shadow rears stark in the diminishing light, menacing, large and alarming

it's whispering seeds of self-doubt, they are cold and undoing
i'm calling you because i'm under attack and i think i am losing

all is dark: my eyes glued to the under-side of a rock
you flip it over and enter as the sun and rays and the glowing crowing cock

is this the misery, is this the feeling of a life not favored for happiness
are these the time-bombs set to negate all of our moments of joy

tell me what kind of accomplishment is it to sit upright, unwavering
when the heart inside you turns to fist clenched against all that needs saving

if i needed to talk to someone, could i talk to you
you could call me your own self, i could call you my self too

SMART SMART
Track Name: telephones
with your mouth tut shight
you went looking for your friends
what is it you are saying
you are signing with your hands
you walk to stall
give ms. giving a chance to call
but i know she’s got other places and all
i know she’s got other things and all
your hands gesture overandover
“i understand” andover andover
your head is shaking toside toside
is shaking toside toside
is something wrong
i think my friends should call
i think my friends should call

my daydreams are out of control
leading me down strange roads
making me think telephones
are some kind of solution
what kind of solution
where did i make the wrong turn
waiting, my bottom is sleeping
why are there such dry and miserable spells

i don’t want to make a compromise with mr. mediocrity
i’m gonna have a blast tonight in a fabulous city
the pigeon walks
illustrating my thoughts

my friends should call me now
my friends should
Track Name: faker
there's someone here
who isn't so bad
but he is surrounded
by shit of his own making
and it's stacked to the ceiling
in every corner the once had
he is living as an audience
to the tragic life that he is faking
he is unfolding on stage
wrapped up in ropes
that only nurture his rage
and everyone's so nice to him
it makes him want to die
'all the time he's wasted'
and even now the time it flies by

all the ugly people
trained to behave so well
and all of the beautiful people
ready and so quick to kill
you can't domesticate wilderness
and still call it by the same name
are your good manners a weakness
that we need to endure
you can be comfortable later
now it is time to change

faker, faker
you're out of time
with your running mouth
and your stolen mind
your string of jewels
that were once mine
something is coming
to take you away
Track Name: what of the night?*
you made that painted dame
you struck the horse gone lame
the jockey's whip, the screaming throng
but daddy, you made the night too long

you made the digging stick
you struck that cold flint chip
shooting stars transcribed your song
but mommy, you made the night too long

i've got a heart, i've got a habit(have it!)
i wear it on my sleeve
but what good is a heart, what good is a habit
when it only makes me grieve

when the tower of babble bit its lip
i invested in the microchip
you gave us television and earphones
oh but still, the night is too long